Full of Promise Page 11

  Sighing, she replied, “Wouldn’t you rather hang out with Bri? Doesn’t she still want to date you?”

  “No, I wouldn’t. And no, she doesn’t.”

  “How do you know that? I saw how she looked at you at the party and a few times after that.”

  “Because we tried and it didn’t work. We’re better off as friends.”

  Cam’s eyes widened and she grew nauseous. “You went out?”

  “Just twice. Neither of us felt anything so we agreed to be friends.”

  Cam relaxed with relief. “Oh. Are you okay with that?”

  Riley looked at her intently. “Yes, I am. Is this why things have been awkward between us?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, come on. We hang out but we haven’t really talked much. Was it always just about Bri?”

  This was it. She could just tell her that she wanted to be more than friends. Instead, she shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe a little. I was afraid you’d abandon me for her like Claire did with Luke.” Way to go, chickenshit.

  “I told you before that wouldn’t happen. It’s taken too long to break you in as my new best friend, so it’d be wasteful to drop you as soon as I got a girlfriend. Okay?” she said with a wink.

  Cam quietly chuckled. “Okay.”

  She released a slow breath, picked up the remote, and pressed play. As the movie started, they settled back on the bed and propped themselves up with a few pillows against the headboard.

  They talked very little throughout the night, but Cam was vaguely aware that they were sitting closer on the bed than they normally would. Their closeness gave her that fluttery feeling again in the pit of her stomach, and she found it difficult to pay attention to the movies.

  As the credits rolled on their third movie, Cam yawned and stretched her arms above her head. “We should get ready for bed.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  They went into the bathroom and shared the sink as they brushed their teeth. Every so often, they snuck quick glances at each other in the mirror. Once they finished, Riley went back into the bedroom while Cam returned all the snacks to the kitchen. She found her mom asleep on the couch with the TV on a low volume and set to the classic movie channel. Her mom looked peaceful, but Cam also knew she was tired. So Cam covered her with the afghan from the back of the couch, turned off the TV, and placed a light kiss to the top of her mom’s head before going back up to her room.

  Riley was lying on her back and Cam crawled under the covers next to her. As she looked at the clock on her nightstand, Cam realized it was already past midnight. “Hey, we missed ringing in the New Year at midnight.” Before she could think about what she was doing, she leaned over and kissed Riley on the cheek. She pulled back quickly and mumbled, “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” Riley squeezed her hand and whispered, “Happy New Year.”

  “You too, Riley. Goodnight.” Cam turned onto her side facing away from Riley and closed her eyes tightly. What did I just do?

  * * *

  Cam woke up the next morning feeling a weight along the left half of her body. She opened one eye and saw Riley’s head resting on her shoulder with her arm draped across Cam’s waist, and a leg lying on top of hers. Cam’s arm was curled around Riley and resting on her hip. Cam immediately opened both eyes and had a mini freak-out. Once she took a few deep breaths and got over the initial shock, she noticed how nice it felt and wished they could stay like this all day. She fought the urge to stroke Riley’s arm and feel her warmth beneath her fingertips.

  Before she could dwell on things any further, she whispered, “Riley, we should get up.”

  Riley’s response was to mumble something Cam couldn’t understand, grip her waist tighter, and bury her face into Cam’s neck, her lips barely brushing Cam’s skin. Cam felt a tingling sensation all the way down to her toes. She shuddered and fought to suppress a groan. She just wanted to wrap her arm around Riley tighter, but instead, she said firmly, “Riley.”

  She started to wake, and once Riley realized she was lying on her, Riley’s eyes widened and she bolted upright. “Oh my God! Cam, I’m so sorry. I, um, I’ll go.” Riley stood and started looking for her shoes.

  Cam got out of bed quickly while trying to reassure her. “Riley, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” As she made her way around the bed, Cam stubbed her toe on the bed frame. “Ow, shit!” She grabbed the hurt foot and hopped on the other. As she started to fall, Riley grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

  “Are you okay?” Riley asked.

  Cam nodded, gazing between Riley’s eyes and lips as she unconsciously licked her own. Riley’s gaze traveled to Cam’s lips and her breath hitched. Riley closed the distance between them. It seemed like Riley was moving in slow-motion, as if she wanted to give Cam ample time to stop her if she was going too far. Finally, only inches away from each other, Cam felt Riley’s body heat as Riley leaned in and lightly brushed her lips against Cam’s.

  She looked at Cam tentatively and Cam saw hints of fear and desire. Cam closed her eyes, dropped her hands to Riley’s waist, and went in for another kiss. Riley froze and let out a gasp.

  It was different. She knew that right away. Riley’s lips were soft and sweet, and her slow movements were intoxicating. With the first brush of Riley’s tongue against her own, Cam’s only conscious thought was that she never wanted to stop.

  However, she was running out of breath. She rested her forehead against Riley’s, trying to slow her breathing.

  Riley whispered, “Wow.”

  “Yeah, wow,” Cam said softly with her eyes still closed. Realizing what just happened, her eyes snapped open, she dropped her hands from Riley’s waist, and stepped back abruptly. “Oh, shit!” she said as she retreated farther and ran her hands through her hair.

  “Okay, Cam, don’t freak out.”

  “Don’t freak out?”

  “Please don’t.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, Cam noticed Riley looking at her helplessly while she paced back and forth, wringing her hands, but her concern for Riley couldn’t stop her panic.

  “Are you okay?” Riley asked.

  “No…yes…oh, I don’t know.” Cam stopped pacing and leaned back against her bedroom door with her hands covering her face.

  Riley pulled her hands away from Cam’s face, but Cam kept her gaze focused on the ceiling. “Do you regret it?”

  Immediately, Cam’s mind wanted to say yes but that would be a blatant lie. She looked back at her and said quietly, “No.”

  A slow smile spread across Riley’s face. “Am I the first girl you’ve kissed?”

  Cam nodded.

  “The first girl you’ve been attracted to?”

  She shook her head.

  “Well, I won’t say anything, and we can chalk this up to a one-time thing if that’s what you want.”

  Cam recognized the hope and fear in Riley’s eyes because she was pretty sure hers were a mirror image. “That’s not what I want, Riley. I think I’ve had a crush on you since the first time I saw you at the library.” After a beat she asked, “What does this mean? I’ve only dated guys before.”

  Riley took a deep breath as if she was carefully choosing her words. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you how you feel or what you want. And you don’t have to put a name to this or decide anything right away. We can talk more about this later, but I’m gonna go. I know how it feels to discover you might not be the same person you’ve always thought you were. I know I had to process it alone first before I really talked to anyone else about it.”

  Riley packed her things, but she immediately stopped when Cam said in a shaky voice, “Riley…I’m scared.”

  She crossed the room and wrapped her arms tightly around Cam’s shoulders and kissed her temple. “I know. I’m sure this feels confusing, but I’m always here if you want to talk. Remember there’s no rush to anything, okay?”

  Cam nodded against her shoulder.

  Riley
cupped Cam’s cheeks with her hands and used her thumbs to wipe away the tears that had fallen. “Can I kiss you again?”

  Cam nodded with a soft smile.

  Riley briefly pressed her lips against Cam’s. Pulling back with a smile, she said, “Happy New Year, Cam.”

  “You too.” Then Riley grabbed her bag and headed down the stairs.

  After Cam closed her door, she stood there unmoving, reveling in the lingering sensation of Riley’s lips on hers. It was a kiss she wanted to repeat. It felt like a kiss full of promise.

  After saying a quick goodbye to Cam’s mom, Riley walked toward her car in a slight daze. She threw her bag across the console and onto the passenger seat before getting in the car and sitting there motionless for several minutes. She kissed me back. She shook herself out of her stupor and drove away before either Cam or her mom noticed she was still in their driveway and came out to investigate why.

  As Riley arrived home, she was immediately comforted by the fact that her mom’s car was already parked in her spot. She was freaking out and she needed someone to calm her down. She found her mom making coffee and still dressed in scrubs. “Hi, Mom. Just get home?”

  Her mom offered a wide smile as she closed the distance between them and pulled Riley in for a hug. “About twenty minutes ago. Happy New Year! Have fun last night?” she asked as she held Riley by the shoulders.

  Riley nodded slightly, looked toward the floor, and quietly said, “I did.”

  Her mom grinned and offered, “Why don’t you have a seat and tell me all about it?”

  Riley poured herself a cup of coffee and sat next to her mom. “We kissed,” she whispered.

  “Wait, what? Did you kiss her, or did she kiss you?”

  She looked up at her mom with a bashful smile. “I kissed her.” She paused and took a deep breath. “But then she kissed me.”

  “And?”

  She released a contented sigh. “And, it was perfect.”

  “Okay, how did Cam feel about all of this?”

  She relaxed into her chair and held her mug. “Well, she definitely freaked out after she kissed me. I was so scared, Mom. I thought I had royally screwed up and she was going to kick me out or something.”

  “Did she calm down?”

  Riley let out a slow breath in relief. “She did. I mean she’s still a little freaked, but she said she’s had a crush on me since the day we met. I can tell she’s still scared, but I think I might have a chance, Mom. I just have to be patient.”

  Her mother reached over and squeezed Riley’s hand. “Make sure you’re careful. I don’t want you getting your hopes up and your heart broken if she decides she can’t handle what all of this would mean for her if you guys got together.”

  Riley’s smile dimmed. “I know.” But, she perked up and continued with as much bravado as she could. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

  “That’s my job, honey. It comes with the territory.”

  “I know, but I think this could be really good. I just have this feeling it’s all going to work out.”

  Her mom stood and placed a kiss on top of her head. “I hope so,” she said. She took her mug to the sink, rinsed it out, and placed it in the dishwasher. “Well, I’m going upstairs to take a shower. Think about what you want for dinner.”

  “Okay,” Riley replied, absentmindedly twirling her coffee cup on the table.

  After Riley left, Cam spent a couple hours in her room just replaying the morning. She never would have imagined kissing Riley would feel so right. Her lips had been so soft and comforting and Cam hadn’t wanted it to stop.

  But every time she thought about how nice it was to kiss Riley, she became confused about what it all meant and what would happen next. She wasn’t in complete denial. She could admit that Riley wasn’t the first girl she had been attracted to over the years. Before, Cam had just seen cute girls from afar and thought she had just been appreciating their attractive looks rather than thinking about dating them. But with Riley, all of that had changed. Cam had known something was different since the moment she saw her at the library. And since that time, Riley had become her best friend aside from Claire.

  Oh shit! Claire! They had made plans to hang out, and Cam had no idea what she was going to tell her. She didn’t know if she even wanted to tell her anything. She had never known her to be judgmental, but what if all that changed because she was Claire’s best friend and not some stranger? Cam couldn’t explain what was going on to herself, so how was she going to explain it to Claire?

  She paced back and forth in her room until she heard her mom call up the stairs, “Cam! Claire’s here.”

  “Shit, shit, shit,” she muttered. “Be right down.” She looked in the mirror and made the decision that she would wait to tell Claire. She hated the idea of lying and hiding this new development, but she hoped Claire would understand why she was doing it, especially since Claire knew she processed things first before letting others in on what was going on.

  She took a deep breath before going downstairs. Claire was sitting with her mom in the kitchen. “Morning.”

  “Well, you finally emerged from your bedroom. I thought you were going to sleep the day away. Did you and Riley stay up late last night?”

  She cleared her throat and kept a controlled tone. “Oh, not really. Ready to go, Claire?”

  “Yep. I thought we’d go grab some burgers,” she said as she stood and placed a kiss on Cam’s mom’s cheek. “Bye, Ms. Leoni.”

  “Bye, girls. Have fun.”

  They got into the car and Cam immediately picked a radio station and turned the volume up loud, to the point where they couldn’t talk without shouting. She knew it was an immature move, but if it delayed any talk about her night with Riley, then she was going to do it.

  Once they were seated at their table, they glanced at the menu, but this place was one of their favorites, so it didn’t take long for either of them to decide. After placing their order, Cam asked, “How was your night? What did you guys do?”

  Claire replied with a wide smile. “It was great. We had a really nice dinner, and then went back to my house and watched a movie.”

  “And, I’m sure you didn’t watch much of it.”

  Claire put her hand on her chest and gasped in mock innocence. “Why, Cameron, I have no idea what you are insinuating.”

  She let out a snort, and said, “Sure, you don’t.”

  Laughing, Claire continued, “Well, you’re right. We didn’t watch too much of it.” Her gaze took on a wistful, faraway look before she said, “But it was a really nice night.”

  “I am really happy for you, Claire. I hope you know that.”

  “Oh, I know, and thank you.” The waiter delivered their food and they dug in. Claire asked, “How was your night? What did you and Riley do?”

  She instantly felt heat rise to her cheeks which she tried to cover up by wiping her mouth with her napkin. “Oh, we pretty much just ate a bunch of junk and watched movies. It was fun.”

  Claire narrowed her eyes and asked, “Is that all?”

  “Um, yeah.” She picked up her burger for another bite, but she wasn’t even that hungry anymore. Lying to Claire was making everything in her stomach turn sour.

  “Why do you look guilty?” She looked at Cam suspiciously. “You didn’t go find a party to hook-up with guys, did you?”

  Cam laughed loudly. Maybe too loudly. “Do you really think I’d do that? I think you know me better than that.”

  Claire joined the laughter, not sensing any awkwardness from Cam’s reply. “You’re right. That’s so not you at all. It doesn’t really seem like Riley either, am I right?” Claire finished the last bite of her burger and pushed her plate away.

  “Yeah, I don’t think she would do that.”

  “Is she dating anyone? She never really talks about that kind of stuff.”

  Cam shrugged as she pushed her own plate away. “Oh, I don’t think so.” She looked out the window to avoi
d Claire’s gaze.

  “Does she talk to you about it?”

  She cleared her throat and tried not to shift uncomfortably in her seat. “N-no…not really.” She was cringing inside, and her stomach was in knots. Shit, why does she have to ask these questions?

  “I hope she knows she can. She should know that we’re trustworthy and always available to talk.” Claire looked away briefly before saying, “You also know that too, right? I’m sorry if you’ve felt neglected lately, and I’ve been wrapped up in Luke. It doesn’t matter what is going on in my life. I will always be here for you.”

  She averted her gaze and looked down at her hands because she couldn’t meet Claire’s gaze, knowing she had just lied to her. “Yeah, I know. That goes for you too, you know.”

  Claire seemed satisfied with that answer, nodding as she asked, “Ready to get out of here?”

  “Yeah, let’s go.”

  The drive back to Cam’s house wasn’t awkward because Claire seemed oblivious to what was stewing inside Cam’s brain. Outwardly, she pretended as if nothing was wrong by singing along to the radio, but inside she just wanted to scream and even cry a little.

  Claire pulled into Cam’s driveway and put the car in park. She gave her a hug, and said, “I’ll pick you up on Monday.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Cam got out of the car and walked slowly to her front door. When she got inside, she quickly said hi to her mom and brothers before making her way up to her room. She sat down on her bed with a thud, placing her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She was already feeling the uneasiness of keeping this huge secret from Claire, and she was terrified of what was going to happen once Claire found out.

  Chapter Twelve

  On the last night of break, Cam spent most of the evening talking with Riley on the phone. They hadn’t seen each other since New Year’s but they had talked on the phone extensively every night. She had been helping Cam figure out what all her feelings meant. Since she knew Cam didn’t want anyone else to know, she recommended Cam do research on websites aimed toward LGBTQ teens. While not everything Cam found was helpful, it was encouraging to see that she wasn’t the only one in the world with conflicting emotions. For once, she had stopped feeling so alone.